jThere's something about being in the emergency room on a Saturday evening which also happens to be New Year's Eve, to give you perspective. As i sat there waiting with my daughter, who had a broken finger, i took notice of the different people around me. The man who kept wandering around from room to room, the staff asking patiently and kindly for him to take a seat until it was his turn. The young man in handcuffs who got scuffed up in a street fight of some kind, sitting quietly with his two police escorts waiting for a psych consultation. The woman who, in obvious pain, sat all alone with no one to comfort her. There were many more. Too many to list.
The thing that struck me the most was that any one of those peope who looked strung out or drunk or all alone could have been me and could still be me. I am only one drink away from becoming one of those haunted looking people.
My cravings came in waves today. I rode them out because my real life needed my full and undivided attention. i couldn't have had my little girls head in my lap, cared enough to wipe her tears, or talked to the ER nurses and doctor had i been drunk. I supposed i actually could have, but I would have done a crappy, sloppy job of it.
She was so brave, staring at me with her huge, teary eyes that trusted me so very much, that she sat there and let the Dr. wrench her little brocken finger back into place even though all she wanted to do was bolt because she was terrified.
I think i am feeling a bit like she did. I am looking to my higher power (God) and trusting that he will get me through this, even though all i want to do is bolt. i have been looking to him with weary, teary eyes and i know he will be strong for me, and because of that, i can be strong for my baby girl.
We made it through another day and another year!
i am going to bed now, before the stroke of midnight, so i can wake up tomorrow happy, wide awake and ready to face a new day and a new year.
;o)
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