I'm not drinking! That smell must be hand sanitizer!

While out for lunch one day, with other friends and thier grandkids, my mother states that I'm quite the shopaholic! "And an alcoholic!" says my five year old daughter brightly as she looked up from her colouring.
Crickets.
I still laugh when i think of that. Here i am, six years later, and i am still an alcoholic.
i went to my first meeting tonight, in about a year and a half. i chugged the last of my vodka three hours before my meeting. I couldn't let it go to waste! Ba-dum-dum.
My best friend brought me to my meeting tonight. She asked my if i had a drink today. "Why?", i said. "It smells like alcohol" she said. "hhmmm, probably hand sanitizer." I hoped she would buy it. "Or it could be alcohol!".
I hate it that she knows me that well, but actually, i am relieved that she calls me on my crap. Good thing we were pulling up to the meeting's parking lot at that moment.
I was so worried that they would smell it on me too. What would they think of me? Gee, probably that i'm an alcoholic.
I see someone i know from the past, when i used to go to meetings. He greeted me warmly and didn't mention the sixty pounds i had gained since he had last seen me.
Whew!
It's amazing how that could be on my mind when i should be worried about how i was drinking my world down the toilet.
It's so humiliating. i hate that i am here again. A re-tread. That's what my mom and her best friend used to call those who went out to drink, then would go back to the meetings again when she was in the program.
Look mom! I'm a re-tread!!!
Well, she isn't laughing. She's super worried actually. She has strongly suggested that i go to rehab. I told her no.
This is SO not the time to sing, but it's in my head...
i did say no because we can't afford the time lost at work. The kids (well, one of them) could not stand me being gone that long. My husbands biggest argument to me was "What if you don't come out all healed? I would be too resentful of all of that time you would spend in there without the guarentee that you would be better".
So, he's not convinced. At this point, neither am i.
I suppose i will make it to tomorrow and just worry about the next 24 hours.
xo